.com BABY

YES!

The day has finally come!

All entries of all online journals Sumin has kept have been merged!  (Well, minus a few xanga entries here and there.)

HEAD ON OVER TO SUMINISH.COM.

Thanks, Justin!

Fear

Oh God.

Reading all these entries from the past brings all these memories flooding back, but for the most part I’m only slightly irritated by how immature I was. Or amused, bemused by it all. But then I came across the entry when Umma had a nervous breakdown or whatever the hell it was.

Oh God, that was a terrible terrible day. It was possibly one of the worst days of my life. I’m crying right now (but not crying how I normally do since I can’t breathe… ha, if I were to really cry, I’d probably suffocate and die.) and it hurts so much, partly from the lack of lung capacity and mostly from fear. I had blocked most memories of that day out, but reading it I can remember all the tiny details (aided by how massively long and specific the entry was).

Not being able to go and hug Umma and reassure myself leaves an awful feeling in my stomach.

Every time Umma gets sick or feels slightly ill, I think everyone in my family starts panicking, just a little bit.  The last time I was home for Christmas break Umma had a weird palpitation and we had to go to the emergency room.  Both times I had to talk on the phone and I sounded completely and utterly normal.  Inside I was shredding my insides from fear.

fear fear fear.

hardeeharhar

I’m still sick.

Last night I had maaaaad fever (painless, but I was really really really hot, burning red) for a long time… Thank goodness it passed and I woke up yellow-colored as normal. However, I have a sore throat. Great, I’m going to die.  (I have a sneaking suspicion it was because I was ABSOLUTELY STUPID and had half a shot of soju even though I was sick and taking medication.  STUPID STUPID STUPID.  Last night had dinner with a Korean bigshot… seemed totally like your average outgoing grandpa.)

Today I went to Daegu! (and came back) I was a rockstar. Not really. I’m so tired… I guess I’ll talk about it some other time. Oh my goodness, I haven’t written down any of my summer experiences. =\

Which leads me to my main point: currently I’m in the process of merging my old xd journal and this current blog on my domain. Justin bought me a bunch of domains months ago but I was unable to do anything about them until… tonight. Mwahahaha. So this blog will be moving to a newer and better home. It is super convenient being on the wordpress.com server though… seeing how as it’s automatically updated and all that jazz. Even so, I can’t tweak it as I’d like and put fancy widgets and gadgets on it (which are pretty much unnecessary, take up time and space, and somehow please the everything out of me), so I’m excited about it. Plus, the idea of having a merged blog is fantastic.

Unfortunately the process is quite lengthy. First, when imported, password protected and private posts are no longer protected. I’m manually screening all of my posts (because, who knows? I may have posts that I didn’t think needed to be protected but now need to be made private) right now, and have about 3 years worth left. And there’s a major flaw with wordpress’s import feature, as tags are imported as NUMBERS. ARGH. So I have to somehow find a way around that…

So 1) screen old journal 2) backup xml files 3)try to find patches and fixes for tag issue 4) screen newer blog posts in brand new journal 5) unveil the opening of the magnificent new site! 6) revamp my personal website.

Whew… I think being sick and tired has made it difficult for me to pay close attention to details and I’m not able to focus very well. Um, should go to sleep.

몸살

oh man, i was mad sick last night and today

i didn’t go to work

i didn’t go to 과외

i slept all day yesterday and today

is it the pollution?

is it the work?

is it the play?

is it the interrupted sleep?

is it the lack of nutrition from having to eat out all the time?

is it being homesick?

it’s probably a combination of all.  working and then playing, both with no rest, so little time to myself.  plus the weather is very hot and having to walk and run everywhere… i’m sure that didn’t help, if compound the problems.

but thankfully i’m feeling much much much better now.  i remember in my last feverish nap i started praying frantically because i was so tired of feeling so awful.  it hurt just to lie down.  when i woke up, it was blissfully cool and silent.  the body was no longer humming, my molecules were no longer vibrating.

i’m still so tired though.  i’m tired of working and then working and then working.  the few moments i get to spend with people are so few (it seems to me.. spoiled girl) and short.  i only have 3 days left of work though.  wowzas.

hoobae

Tonight I had one of the best online conversations I’ve had in a very long time.

I love my hoobae.

staying up for…

…work?

what?

Yes, the first opportunity that I really have to sit and blog is because I have a graveyard shift for work.  Strange, yes.  I don’t think I really want to talk about it much (I don’t know if I can, really).

But I’m actually blogging not because I really really want to, but because I feel slightly obligated to.  I wanted to so badly a few weeks ago but now that I can… [shrug]  I guess it’s the nature of the beast.  (I’ve been saying that phrase a lot lately.)

Maybe I’ll take the next few hours and write.  I guess.

I still am on a work computer though.. I should be more careful.  :)

An intern’s life?  Well, at least I don’t have to make coffee, but I did have to spend quite a bit of time today standing around uselessly when I was told I was needed.  Hmph.

On another note, I actually went and got myself a cup of hot coffee.  Yes, 1/3 of it was milk and 2 packets of brown sugar, but I CHOSE to have hot coffee.  !!!

I’m addicted to 서울커피우유 [Seoul Coffee Milk] and yogurt ice cream.  I really wish Cafe Iceberry were open downstairs so I could go get another yogurt ice cream fruit bingsu.

People think I’m actually Korean Korean.  As a Korean-American 교포 [gyo-po], I’m delighted everytime that happens.

blood is blood, but ARGH

This weekend.

Compounded with this week.

Makes me so freaking glad that my family lived in in-the-middle-of-nowhere-especially-not-Korea Mississippi.

Thank You, God.

I’m happy.

the act.

I miss blogging.

It’s times like these that I miss it–almost desperately.  No, that’s the wrong word.  I miss it because I’m so fond of it.

I chose to break my hiatus (just this once) because 1) despite these heavy rains the tiny tiny beam of wireless I get from the neighborhood across a major street (it’s a miracle!) is still somehow faintly sustaining my connection; 2) I really miss blogging.

There.  I’ve said it.  I’ve called what I do blogging, not journaling.  Because you know what?  Blogging is an entirely different beast.

a humid hiatus

I’ve always been doubtful of my readership–does anyone read it? Does anyone care if I don’t post?

When I stopped posting, queries trickled in. “What happened to your posts?”

For someone who used to post maybe an average of 5 times a day during finals, it was a sudden and abrupt stop. Trust me, it’s not from lack of desire.

My current housing provided by the Embassy does not allow interns to gain internet access, paid or charity. I only had internet access at work and on weekends, and I really don’t want to blog at work (for many, many, many reasons). Weekends are too busy to post.

I will resume in August when I move to my aunt’s house. Until then, I’ve been emailing a few people with updates (fondly termed “Sumin Summer Emails”). If you’d like, just let me know and I’ll add you to the list. When I gain full internet access in August, I’ll probably post the emails as well. (I’m warning you–they’re ridiculously long. Epic.)

(P.S.  This also means I won’t be checking other people’s blogs and journals.  Sorry… I’d love to catch up =\ but I really don’t want to do it at work.  Although that means when thesis work rolls around, I’ll have a lot of archives to peruse, teehee.)

Life is good. It’s not particularly rip-roaring exciting, but i was never one for that. I like it this way–sometimes.

And oh yea, my hair is really short again.