i was talking to zach

and realized that junior year is difficult not because of academics but… there are other things that happen.

and i think for many of us that other things are human relationships or lack thereof.

oh, how broken we all are! (interjecting, i am) junior year is hard, so hard, and so so hard and no one ever warned me. it wouldn’t have mattered. besides, it’s not like it’s junior year academics that are the brunt of the stress (it does contribute, i’d say so i’d say so oh why), so it’s not anything that anyone could have or would have foreseen.

example conversation (with whom? with myself?):

“hey sumin, junior year is going to be hard for everyone.”

“no way. why? sophomore year was hard! but it’s gonna get better.”

“yea, it was hard, but junior year? harder. work. but mainly people.”

“what do you mean?”

“crap’s gonna happen and there’s nothing you can do about it. you’ll cry your heart out and it won’t solve anything. you’ll see people in pain and you can’t reach out. you’ll laugh and then hear someone weeping and what can you do?”

“what?”

“basically, i’m telling you lots of things will happen and it’ll take its toll.”

“what?”

“you’re stupid.”

“um, looked in a mirror lately?”

“anyway, it’ll be hard for everyone in different ways. you’re not going to be able to really change anything for anyone, so stop meddling. the best you can do is listen. and listen to yourself. don’t be selfish, but don’t ignore your own needs.”

“oh.”

“good luck, you’re gonna need it.”

“what?”

“i’ll pray for you. and your class.”

“thanks.”

[gets up to leave]

“you know, you’re still going to love it. junior year is going to be hard, but it’s necessary. and you’ll still be happy.”

“i know.”